The seventh floor. That is how high we were when my lifeline hit the pavement and shattered into pieces.
When he threw my mobile phone out of that window, he wasn’t just destroying a piece of technology; he was systematically dismantling my career, my reputation, and my safety.
The Attack on Identity
I loved my job. I made the mistake of telling him that when we first met, explaining how much the buzz of being a Legal Secretary meant to me. I took pride in my professional identity, always dressing smartly in my favorite suits—outfits that made me feel confident, capable, and like the best version of myself.
But in the world of coercive control, your passion is a target and your confidence is a direct threat to the perpetrator’s power.
The Thread of Control
It started with small, biting comments about the clothes I wore. Soon, those comments turned into accusations and insinuations that there was something going on between me and my boss. In his mind, there was no way a woman as young as me could have earned a seat at that table through talent alone.
He was weaving a “thread” of isolation, pulling me away from the office culture and into a web of shame. My job gave me everything he didn’t want me to have: a sense of belonging, financial freedom, and a support network of friendships. To keep me, he had to destroy “Sam” the professional.
The ABC Framework: Spotting the Shift
As an employer, you are in a unique position to notice when the thread is being pulled. I teach businesses to look for changes through the ABC Framework:
- Appearance: Is an employee suddenly dressing differently, perhaps hiding bruises or looking uncharacteristically exhausted?
- Behavior: Are they becoming withdrawn, arriving late, or rushing away the second the clock hits 5:00 PM?
- Conversation: Do they mention a partner who is “difficult” or “controlling,” or are they constantly on edge while checking their phone?
In my case, the shift was total. I wasn’t just “absent”— I was locked in a flat with no means of communication. I had no way to explain to my firm why I wasn’t at my desk.
The Aftermath
Being sacked from a job I loved was one of the lowest points of my life. That job represented my potential and my future, and losing it gave the perpetrator exactly what he wanted: total control over every aspect of my existence.
Before: I was a sharp, ambitious Legal Secretary with a bright future. After: I was a woman stripped of her income and her identity, trapped in a seventh-floor flat.
A Call to Action for Employers
Domestic abuse does not stop at the front door; it follows your employees to their desks. When you lose a talented staff member to “performance issues,” you might actually be losing them to a perpetrator who is working overtime to sabotage them.
I am now a proud member of the Employers’ Initiative on Domestic Abuse and the Black Country Chamber of Commerce. I turn my trauma into professional expertise so that your management teams don’t have to guess when a life is on the line. 💜
If you are an employer looking to invest in your people by enhancing your understanding of coercive control, let’s have a conversation. 🫶
Stronger Beginnings. Because survival is just the start. 🥰
